Massive Cheese Heist in London: Authorities Describe Thieves’ Plan as Brie-lliant

There are con men, then there are con artists, and then there is the guy who passed himself off as a French cheese wholesaler and made off with 22 metric tons (48,488 pounds) of award-winning British cheddar. You have to admit; that’s fetamazing.

Thieves with a nose for fine cheese have pulled off a massive cheddar ripoff in London.

Neal’s Yard Dairy said a con artist posing as a wholesale distributor for a major French retailer had made off with 22 metric tons (48,488 pounds) of award-winning cheddar worth 300,000 British pounds ($390,000) before the company realized it had been scammed and reported the theft on Monday.

“The high monetary value of these cheeses likely made them a particular target for the thieves,” Neal’s Yard Dairy, a distributor, wholesaler, and retailer of British artisanal cheese, said in a statement.

Whoever this con artist is, he’s too gouda to be believed. While I’m not any more fondue of crooks than anyone else, you’ve got to admit, this took some chutzpah. One wonders if the mastermind planned this provolone, or if he had help. I mean, that’s a pretty sharp trick to pull off. I camembert an equally audacious act of thievery, anywhere. It almost has a roma-ntic vibe to it, doesn’t it? If you don’t think so, well, I suppose we can abrie  to disabrie.

The authorities are still out looking for the cheesy culprits. 

Detectives at Scotland Yard and international authorities are searching for the culprits.

Nearly 1,000 wheels of cloth-wrapped cheese from three makers have gone missing: Hafod Welsh organic cheddar, Westcombe cheddar, and Pitchfork cheddar.

The dairy sells a wedge of Hafod cheddar for 12.90 pounds ($16.70) for 270 grams (9.5 ounces). 

I’m sure Scotland Yard is on the queso. Hopefully, we will read soon that the thief is in custody; I would hate to look back on this case and read that they bleu it.

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And that apprehension may not come too soon. When it comes to con games, it’s hard to imagine anything cheddar than this. Even so, the curd bandit has some serious logistical problems, moving and fencing almost 50,000 pounds of cheese; that’s enough of a task to have anyone’s patience shredded. Still, sweet dreams are made of cheese, and it may be enough to quietly let a few pounds at a time slip into the grate European market for fine cheeses.

At least these thieves are in the United Kingdom. Before any American lawmen get involved, I would caution them: It’s nacho problem.

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