The Dick Cheney School of Marksmanship

  

One day, Lucas and Adam went out to play with their guns. 

Guns. Guns. Guns. See all the guns.

Lucas and Adam wanted to show conservatives that they like guns. They like the Second Amendment. They like You, Mr. and Mrs. Conservative. For the next two weeks, they like you.

Vote for Lucas! Lucas Kunce is running for the US Senate against Josh Hawley. Lucas is a veteran. Lucas is a Democrat. And Lucas wants your vote.

Hmmmmm. How do I get Red State People to vote for a Blue State guy like me? Ah Ha! I will show them that I like guns because they like guns! That will do it! And for the cherry on top of the float, I will get Republican Adam Kinzinger to stand by my side and show them he likes guns, too! Perhaps this will make them forget that Adam cried like a baby about the January 6th  Insurrection Riot, and that Adam partnered with Liz Cheney and Nancy Pelosi to throw people in jail for four years to await their constitutionally guaranteed right to a quick and speedy trial.

See Adam. See Lucas. See all of their toys laid out before them. 

Toys. Toys. Toys.

They know that they must appeal to the AR-15 people, the shotgun people, the deer rifle people, and the pistol people, so they have emptied out somebody’s firearm safe to show you how much they like their guns. And to demonstrate that they are serious players, they will use long rifles to shoot at tin cans 20 feet away. 20 feet? Yes 20 feet, because that’s about how far out you can place your targets and still get the shooter and the tin can in the frame of a camera.

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But shooting is serious business. Yes, it is! Safety Dog always says to be safe at the range and treat every firearm as if it were loaded. Safety Dog always says only point your firearm in the air or downrange! Safety Dog always says, “Wear your hearing and eye protection!”

Adam listens to Safety Dog about two-thirds of the time, which is why his safety glasses are perched on the top of his head like a Dude on the Venice Beach Boardwalk.

Dude. Dude. Dude. Adam is one cool Dude.

He is so cool that he is using a Great Big Scope on his rifle to hit a can that he can practically reach out and touch himself. But this is important because Adam wants to see the ingredients on the label so he can drill one through the O in “Sodium Content.” This will impress the reporters, the cameras, and You, the Missouri voter, who will now be swayed to vote for Lucas because his good friend is such an outstanding marksman.

Bang! Ping! Bang! Ping! Bang Bang! Ping!….Zeeeeowwww!

Whoopsie! Ouchie!

“…..uhhhhhh, you OK, dude?“

“…..uhhhhhh, Sure. Well, maybe not quite…”

Not quite, Indeed! Mr. TV camera guy has been tagged by a splinter from a ricochet. He is not happy. Safety Dog is not happy. Hickok 45 is not happy…..Nobody is happy.

“You didn’t actually get that on tape, did you? Oh, well, you’re not going to put that on the air, are you?”

“We don’t know…let’s get the blood cleaned up first.“

Blood. Blood. Blood. See the real live blood. Fortunately, Mr. TV camera guy is not seriously wounded, but he most certainly could have been. When you shoot lead on metal at a very close distance, silly things like ricochets and shrapnel and flesh wounds can happen!

Silly. Silly. Silly. See Lucas look silly. See Adam cry.

Cry. Cry. Cry.

See Mr. TV camera guy bleed.

Bleed. Bleed. Bleed.

Well, Lucas is quick on his feet to apply first aid, but it is still sad that first aid is needed at all. As veterans of the military, both Lucas and Adam should know their way around guns better than this. Perhaps there is a reason that the minimum distance for shooting rifles on a rifle range in the Army is 25 meters (75 feet). Maybe shooting cans at 20 feet is a Bad Idea. Bad, Lucas and Adam. Bad. If the government won’t take away your guns, maybe your mothers will. You could put somebody’s eye out!

Anyway, it’s sad to see that idiot liberals want to impress and manipulate voters so badly they are willing to do dangerous things like this. The TV cameraman from KSHB was not seriously hurt, but he could just have been seriously dead if the shard had hit him through the heart or eye socket. Short of that, the only way this could have been worse is if these two Knuckleheads had invited Dick Cheney or Tim Walz to join them. And that would have been pretty bad.

Bad. Bad. Bad.