Two modern cultural messages are “If you love it, put a ring on it” and “Love yourself.” In Indonesia recently, a man took both to heart.
A paper this month in medical journal Urology Case Reports recounts an unfortunate incident involving a rigid band, an unrelenting clutch, and a 38-year-old’s genitals.
The report references rarity and “urgent intervention”:
Penile ring entrapment is a rare urological emergency that could cause mechanical and vascular complications. Its use…is frequently found in adults or adolescents to sustain erection. A prolonged entrapment of more than 30 minutes could lead to irreversible damage due to edema and ischemia. Therefore, urgent intervention is vital.
Such a predicament placed him in the ER, crotchety and cuffed. The gripping situation required “penile strangulation management.”
[He] came to the emergency department due to severe penile pain and swelling… The pain started…after a ring that he put on his penis could not be removed. He can still urinate, even though there is resistance at the beginning of urination.
Though he may have been slow to seek help, he had no choice but to bite the bullet — after all, he’d gone full metal jacket:
[He’d] put a metal ring on his penis…the previous day. In the beginning, it [was] possible for him to put it in and off. However, it got stuck at some point, and his penis started to hurt. After ten hours without any reduction in now, a swollen penis, he decided to look for help.
As for why he would play such a perilous rendition of ring toss, the patient had wanted “to experiment with his friends.”
In response, medical professionals prioritized their approach: Though he was suffering like a Schnauzer with its head caught in a gate, the experimental man was tested for COVID. Subsequently, he was dealt a punishing blow: He had the virus. Doctors then broke out their power tools:
Although there is no universally established method for penile strangulation management, ring cutting using an electrical grinder is the most commonly used method. … [S]ince his COVID-19 rapid test was reactive, the ring entrapment was released using an electric grinder followed with removal using pliers in the isolated emergency department.
They hoped not to solder his saber:
There is no universally accepted method of treating penile strangulation. Metal cutting required heat. However, to prevent burns, the metal must be cooled. The penis must be protected during cutting, although access is difficult due to a narrow gap between the metal and the penile skin. …
The penile ring entrapment was removed with an electric grinder and continuous saline injection to reduce heat. The metal plate was inserted between the ring and penile skin to prevent burn or pressure injury.
Fortunately, there was “no [unintentional] trauma reported.”
In the arena of medical emergencies, some problems are more personal than others — see 2020’s “Tail of the Sea: Man Complains of Stomach Pain, Doctors Find a Large Fish in His Rectum.”
[A 30-year-old] told medical staff he’d unintentionally sat on a fish and…holy mackerel: The finned, gill-bearing creature had glided fully on up through his perineal porthole like a dolphin through a hoop at Sea World.
Unfortunately, the fish made for a shoddy Shamu — it wouldn’t come back out, no matter how hard its involuntary trainer tried.
Out of options, he enlisted the help of surgeons, who opened his belly and Freed Willy — which, as per Guangdong Television — was “quite big.”
Back to Entrapped in Indonesia, the jewelry enthusiast “underwent psychiatry consultation, where a borderline intellectual function was established as the diagnosis.”
Urology Case Reports provides detailed photos of the ordeal, but I’ll offer a description in lieu of their display: The ring was silver and industrial; it looked, some might say, like a nut.
Thankfully, the patient’s manhood wasn’t murdered. It missed a good chance — chickens, for instance, are choked by the ringing of their necks. Such a description rings a bell, and we all know the sound that makes.
Hopefully, he’s learned his lesson. But if he attends your child’s birthday party, maybe hide the Chinese finger traps.
See more content from me:
Party Like It’s 1799: Cops Bust Up an Amish Barn Bash for Violating Ohio’s Stay-at-Home Order
Madly-in-Love Man Marries a Hologram, but Their Tale Turns Terminal as the Service Provider Pulls the Plug
Gold Mettle: Olympian’s Penis Freezes, but He Won’t Give Up
Find all my RedState work here.
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