Weekend Parting Shot: Wanted: Single, Masculine, Liberal Man. No Smokers, Man Purses Okay

Happy Friday, gentle readers. I apologize for my absence today. It was my turn to take the dogs to groomers. No, I mean the pet groomers. We didn’t go to Target.

A Word to the Wacky

With all my PJ Media colleagues weighing in on the Trump indictment, I shall leave it alone. I don’t think I can add anything that hasn’t already been covered at this point. I do, however, have a message for any readers from the progressive lurkers from the Left: While you’re giggling over lattes and soy bran muffins (or Apple Martinis and Carr’s water biscuits), taking victory laps, binge-watching The West Wing episodes, and tossing your pink p***y hats in the air, remember one thing: you may be feeling positively giddy over what your favorite politicians and media outlets are telling you, but when you sober up, you may want to take a look at the stuff they are ignoring. And ask yourself why they are ignoring those things.

Who am I kidding? You won’t. But you should.

We’re Sgt. Hillary’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

TikTok user @ms_petch has a problem. She wants to know where all of the real leftist men have been hiding:

Oh, my. So much here to unpack. Where to start? Okay, first of all, liberal men are interested in one thing. It’s not your mind. It’s not your opinion. Need another guess? I’ll just come out and say it: they want to get in your pants. Like it or not, progressive women are stereotyped as next-gen hippies and therefore easy. Not easy going, just easy. It probably has something to do with how progressive women are always talking about being pro-sex and pro-abortion. (Oh dear, we’re back to the pink p***y hats again, aren’t we?) And then there is how much leftist women talk about their opposition to traditional values. To the average left-wing guy, this sounds better than a free Denny’s Grand-Slam Breakfast. These guys have the emotional maturity of twelve-year-olds (trust me, I used to be one), and they apply the same logic to sex that they use when they want to burn down a 7-11 in the name of equity. Since the left has collectively thrown out behavioral mores, the ends justify the means. That applies equally to social justice and a potential roll in the hay. And in pursuit of a one-night stand, they’ll agree with just about anything you say if they think it will lead to a “happy ending.” Cyndi Lauper once said, “Girls just wanna have fun.” Take it from me, soy boys just wanna get laid. Don’t let the beanie fool you.

Secondly, left-wing men by and large hate themselves. Even more than they hate their masculine conservative counterparts, who they also secretly envy. Deep down, they feel a kinship with the soldiers, cops, firefighters, and construction workers. They secretly crave to be patriotic and handy with a set of tools. But those things don’t get them the credibility they seek. Believe me, some of the best times in my life were working on a ranch, fighting fires, and the semi-regular poker nights with the cops. Some of the worst times in my life were spent trying to fit in with whiny beta males. Men just aren’t built that way. On top of that, they have people like you, ms_petch, telling them that as “cis” white males, they are responsible for everything that has gone wrong in the universe since the Big Bang. So society tells them that if they act like men, they are terrible. And even if they veer solidly left, they are still terrible by virtue of the fact that they are men. So they continue to jam their masculinity further and further down to meet all of your demands while touching their foreheads to the ground. And then you b*tch that they aren’t masculine enough. These jamokes are a sorry lot, but I feel bad for them. They are never going to get it right, no matter how many times they let themselves be bullied into sitting in the passenger seat. I’m no expert, but that is probably why so many guys are opting for male-ectomies these days. They just want to get out of the line of fire. Hell, I’d whine too if I was one of them.

I know you likely equate all conservative men with tyrannical abusers who want to put women in Handmaid’s Tale outfits and keep them barefoot while popping out babies until they cough up their spleens. But as an ex-lefty, I can tell you that is not true. Yes, there are abusers, criminals, and ogres out there. But a real man doesn’t pick up the tab, open a door, or lift heavy things because he thinks you cannot fend for yourself; he does those things because he thinks you deserve to have them done for you. It’s practically in a real man’s DNA to care for a woman. Some fall far short of that, and I’ve met plenty of them. But you might be happier if you quit painting all men with the same brush.

Case in point: Years ago, my wife and I were at a music festival in Colorado. The sun was brutal, so I made a tent out of a blanket and two chairs, since she was getting a headache. She was recovering when some a-hole decided that the fact that one of our chairs was on a corner of his blanket was too much to bear, and ripped up the chairs and blanket. I twisted. I went through the roof and got in his face and told him not to do that to my wife ever again. He had about a foot-and-a-half and maybe 150 pounds on me. He was ripped and smelled like beer and Harley exhaust. He may have been an actual biker or one of those weekend road warriors. Be that as it may, I didn’t back down. But he did.

You see, ms_petch, real men take stands when it matters. They have lines that they refuse to let someone cross. For me, it is my wife. You mess with my wife and I go to war. Consequences be damned. A man protects his wife. But liberal guys want to please everyone, including you. And for them, that means not taking a stand. And the line is wherever they think you want it to be.

Finally, lady, you people created these pasty, ratty-sweatered, mouse-mustachioed soy monsters. Now you get to live with them.

Related: Weekend Parting Shot: E-Bike Ride Abruptly Ends When the Money Runs Out

Wine Recommendation: Because you probably shouldn’t sit through this news cycle stone-cold sober.

This week, I rolled the dice and tried a Spanish red, the Lan Rioja Crianza 2019.

This is a very aggressive and powerful red. It is super strong and was a nice surprise. It takes over the palate at the first taste, and it resonates not only on the back of the tongue but on the roof of the mouth and even up into the sinuses. So it might be a good choice if it is allergy season where you live. It is a combination of Tempranillo, Mazuelo, and Garnacha, and it really packs a punch. The grapes come from a warmer, drier climate and after the wine has been fermented, it spends 14 months in oak barrels. Then the winery lets it round for nine months in the bottle before it hits the shelves. You can definitely pick up the taste of red fruits in it. It tends toward the drier side, but you won’t find a smokey taste. There are little hints of sweetness and vanilla in it.

The great thing about this wine is that you could pair it with just about anything, from a charcuterie board to beef and poultry. It kind of breaks through the whole red vs. white issue and it even does very well on its own. One suggestion was to try it with a pizza, which sounds like an excellent idea. Pair it with a spicy pizza, heavy on peppers and onions and some strong sausage. You’ll thank me later. Which reminds me, this is the weekend I am going to try to convince my wife to let me build a wood-fired pizza oven in the backyard. Wish me luck. I’ve been negotiating for a deep-fryer since 2008.

That’s it for me. Have a good weekend and stay sane. And remember, no matter what the wonks in the MSM say, it ain’t over.